otherness | • ic contact •

[Roxas smiles halfway, but doesn't pursue that first line of conversation. Better not to.]

I thought I was too young for coffee.

[He takes a sniff, deems it sugary enough, and sips it gingerly so as not to burn his tongue.]

[Lea blows out a sigh and rubs the back of his neck.] Well, you've just been promoted to Old Enough, cuz I ah... [He looks awkwardly at his cup, then lifts his eyes to meet Roxas'.] I need some advice. And I know that's weird, but... well, even grownups need advice sometimes, right?

[This is hardly something Roxas actually has any experience in, for that matter, so Lea's gonna have to word things carefully so as not to confuse him. Hoo boy.]

You just have this way of simplifying everything, and that's kinda what I'm in need of right now. I feel like my head's just a big... mess. [He makes a wobbly gesture on either side of his head with both hands, then frowns.] And I don't just mean my hair.

[Roxas tilts his head a little.]

This is definitely different, but... you're my best friend. So whatever you have to say, I'll listen. That's what best friends are for, right?

[He smiles a little more, warm and not really awkward at all.]

Besides, it's payback for all the times I bugged you with questions when we worked together.

[He laughs.] Ah, don't think of it as payback; I kinda enjoyed the questions. Made me feel useful, you know?

[He clears his throat and rolls the mug between his palms.]

So, ah. Something changed. Between me and a friend. Not you or Xion, and... not bad, just... different. And I'm kinda not sure what to think about it. I'm surprised, I guess, 'cuz it's really unexpected. [Wow, being vague was always so easy for him in the past, why is he suddenly having a hard time with this?]

Useful, huh...

[Something Roxas has trouble with now that he's been separated. He's really not used to acting independently except maybe in Sora's own mind. But that's a topic for another time.]

Something changed? [Yeah, that's pretty vague.] Like... what?

Well... [He scratches his cheek, trying to think of how to explain it. When Roxas had asked what love was, Axel had explained that friendship didn't have 'steps', and so love wasn't just taking friendship to a new level, but it had been easy to write it off when there was no chance they would ever experience it. In this situation, it sort of was like a step up, so he wasn't sure how to explain without contradicting what he'd already said.]

Well, this friend wants to... be more than friends. Kinda like being best friends, but... in a different direction? [He kind of gestures with one hand, like deviating from a path and veering off to the right.] You and me, we're best friends, so you know what that means and the stuff that goes with it. This person... they want our friendship to be like that, but... [He slides his coffee to the center of the table.] If best friends is here, this much friendship... then what they want is... [He takes Roxas' cup and slides it up abreast of his own, then pushes it to one side, about a foot away.] Like that. Same... level of being friends, but different category.

I'm not making any sense, am I. [He blows out a sigh and rakes one hand back through his hair, then grabs his coffee again. He wasn't even going to think about the potential love aspect of this right now; More Than Friends was weird enough.] My issue is I don't quite understand why they would want to be that kind of friends with me. I've never had that before.

Edited 2013-11-26 11:24 (UTC)

[Roxas watches the demonstration intently. He's not entirely sure he gets it, but it does make sense somewhat.] Friendships are more complicated than I thought.

[He rests his chin in his hand, thinking on this new information.]

Do you really need to get why? I think it's hard for us to see ourselves, you know, objectively. Especially since we've been... incomplete for so long.

This person sees something really important in you. That's all that matters. [He sets a hand on his own coffee mug.] Even if you don't get why, I still call you my best friend. Understanding my reasons won't change anything.

[Complicated? Friendship?] Kiddo, you have no idea.

[When Roxas responds, though, it's some food for thought. He guesses that's true enough: even after all the crap they'd gone through... the lies, the secrets... Roxas still called him his best friend. For that matter, despite all the bad blood and fallout he'd had with Saïx, Lea still had every intention of fighting tooth and nail to save Isa from Xehanort. Man, friendship is complicated. But Roxas makes a good point.]

I guess that's true. Part of me just wants to know why, though. I pulled a lot of crap and made things tough for a lot of people. [He meets Roxas' eye briefly, then looks back down at his coffee.] I never expected to get that second life, you know? And now that I have this chance, I don't wanna screw it up.

[Kiddo? He's like sixteen!

The mention of that 'second life' makes Roxas' smile wilt. It reminds him of the last words they shared, at least that he can clearly remember. Weird goodbyes in Sora's heart only count halfway.

He lifts his hand from his mug and rests his palm on the table.]

So what? [Short and to the point.] Even if you make a mistake, or you're confused and say something dumb, that kind of thing can be forgiven. You're friends above all else.

[He lets out a little sigh.]

You keep talking about the bad things you did, but you don't really hold anyone else to that. I mean, you're not yelling at me for leaving, or for beating you up. [He looks at Lea seriously.] The problem isn't that you don't know what to do about being more than friends, it's something else.

Don't you see that everyone's already forgotten about it? Everyone's forgiven you, but you're still acting like you have something to make up for.

[Somehow Roxas has hit the nail right on the head. He knows it: he knows he forgave him, that Xion forgave him, that Sora and Riku both forgave him. He knows that. Somehow he's just having trouble forgiving himself, and he's not even sure why.

[He manages a weak chuckle.]

I'm not yelling at you for beating me up because I deserved it. And I'm not yelling at you for leaving because... honestly I wanted to go with you. [He blows a sigh up toward his hairline.] I guess it's just easier to forgive other people than myself. So this all just... makes me scratch my head, 'cuz... [He doesn't deserve it.] I mean I already got my second chance. I got my heart back, I get to be a person again. I wasn't even daring to hope for that, let alone anything more. But you're here, and Xion's here, and I've got friends here, and... [He kneads his forehead.] Part of me keeps expecting to wake up.

[At least he's finally coming clean about it. Roxas' expression softens at the admission. Things could've been so much different if Axel had come along with him. Maybe Sora never would've woken up... There's no point in dreaming about what-ifs, though, and that's why Roxas has moved on.

He had no choice, after all. No one did.]

Heh... I know that feeling. I'm not supposed to be here, you know? But here I am anyway. And I got my best friend back.

At some point I stopped wondering why. What happens, happens. [A pause.] I guess Sora's been rubbing off on me.

[Honesty isn't coming effortlessly yet, but there's something kind of nice about not talking sideways sometimes. He laughs a little at the conclusion Roxas draws.]

Just don't let him rub off too much. I like you a little quiet and introspective and slightly less boisterous; Sora wears me out a lot of the time, sheesh.

[Okay, he feels better about this. That means there's just one more thing to ask.]

So what would you think if I said this person was Riku? [He hasn't seen any particular enmity from Roxas toward Riku, which is good, he's just not sure how much the kid remembers. He's not prepared to deliberately do anything Roxas is adamantly against.]

[Lea grumbling about Sora just makes Roxas smile. He's definitely more low-energy than Sora, but that's part of what makes them different halves of the same whole-- according to Roxas, anyway. Sora has his own ideas about that, and Roxas has given up fighting. He can't say he doesn't like being on his own when he can talk to his best friend like this.

He missed him.

Roxas doesn't expect that name, though. He blinks once, twice, and then tries to formulate exactly what Lea is talking about.]

Riku? ... Huh. I didn't think you knew each other.

[He touches his chin in thought.]

I guess... I don't really care. You're my best friend, and Riku is Sora's. If you weren't getting along then it would be bad, but if you're really close... that's actually really good.

It doesn't matter who you're friends with as long as you're happy.

Well, back home we didn't really know each other too well, but here... I mean we were roommates back on earth. We kinda avoided each other a lot for a while, but eventually we just stopped being jerks to one another in favor of peace in the house. We found out we actually got along pretty well after that.

He saved my life on a mission once, you know? And... after that, we wound up becoming pretty good friends. [He rubs his neck.] I was kinda surprised when he said he wanted something a little different, but... [He scratches his head then.] Well, I mean I dunno what that means, exactly. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of really being able to feel, you know? But... I figured since the answer wasn't definitely no that we might as well see what happens.

[Lea smiles, relief untying some of the knots that were pretzeled in his stomach. It's less that he'd thought Roxas would be offended or say no and more he just... never wanted it to be awkward. He knows now that Riku had been the one to take Roxas to DiZ, and he's glad, at least, that there's no bad blood between them.

[He reaches across the table and bonks his fist gently against Roxas'.]

Thanks. It's... been a long time since I really felt like I was allowed to be, you know? Happy. [He sighs softly.] It's a little weird.

Edited 2013-12-06 01:19 (UTC)

Well, I hope it's only good things from now on.

[Roxas looks a little surprised at the fist bumping, but it makes him smile anew.]

Just go with it. When you think about things too much, you look sad.

[Just go with it? It's not quite the answer he was expecting--though really, he's not sure what he was expecting--but he'll take it gladly. It's funny: Naminé told him something very similar once, about how he looked lonesome because Roxas had gone away. Feelings or otherwise, it seems he'd never lost his ability to think too hard about everything, good or bad.]

I'll do my best.

[Even if he's got no idea what he's doing, he means that wholeheartedly.]

Edited 2013-12-08 10:19 (UTC)

• ic contact •

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject